Joke - What Trip?

A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

Joke - Nice Name

There were 3 japanese guys named Chu, Bu & Fu.

They didn`t like their names so they decided to go to America and change their names.

And they arrived in U.S.

So Chu changed his name to Chuck..
Bu changed his name to Buck
and Fu ?

He went back home!


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Joke - How Many?

A man walks into the front door of a bar.

He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and offers to call him a cab. The drunker is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.


A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man and again offers to call a cab. The drunker looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunker bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool and then violently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunker looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?


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Joke - Wrong Question

John and Mike are walking from religious service. John wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Mike replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So John goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

John goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.

So Mike goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Joke - Married Life

Married Life is funny!

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen!


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Joke - Same Feeling

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stares at him and and yells, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."


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Joke - Wife's Dentures

This preacher just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he could preach for 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only for 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached for 1 hour & 45 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
Today, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures...


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Joke - Like What?

A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like the most in me. My pretty face or my attractive figure?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humour".




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Joke - Never Got Caught!

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"
he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative
to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Joke - Me too

A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk,

"I would like to see a bikini that fits me."

Clerk, "me too!"

Joke - Insult

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”


The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Joke - Evolution

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"


The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they evolved from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Joke - Who said that?

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"