Joke - Little Johnny Is Scared

One day Gramma sent her grandson, little Johnny down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran for his Gramma's kitchen. 

"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. 

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. 

"There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" 

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" 

"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, 

"If he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Joke - My Work Life

• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

• Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

• Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme *.

• My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

• I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

• Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

• I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

• I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

• So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

• After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

• My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

* Thyme is a well-known culinary and medicinal herb.

Joke - Defining A Stable

When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.

I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, “It’s something like your sister’s room, but without that stereo.”

Joke - A Chicken Walks Into A Bar

A CHICKEN WALKS INTO A BAR.
The bartender says, ‘We don’t serve poultry.’


The chicken replies, ‘That’s OK, I just want a
drink.’

Joke - Two Atoms Walk Into A Bar

TWO ATOMS WALK INTO A BAR. One of them
says, ‘Damn – I think I’ve lost an electron!’


The other atom asks, ‘Are you sure?’


‘Yeah, I’m positive.’

Joke - Empty Beer Bottle Walks Into A Bar

AN EMPTY BEER BOTTLE WALKS INTO A BAR


and the bartender says, ‘Hey, You are already DRUNK’

Joke - Cowboy Walks Into Bar

A COWBOY WALKS INTO A BAR. Upon leaving, he realises that someone has painted his horse.

The cowboy yells, ‘Which one of you painted my horse?’

A 7 foot tall hunk approaches and says, menacingly,

‘I did.’

The cowboy replies,

‘Nice colour!’

Joke – Baptized Lamb

Once upon a time a Jesuit baptized a man and told him : “From now on your name is no longer Nigaro, its Francisco and on Fridays you’ll eat only fish.” 

The next Friday the Jesuit visited the convert and found him eating roasted lamb. “Francisco today is Friday! Why are you eating lamb? the Jesuit asked.

“Father,” the man answered, “Francisco take lamb, throw water upon him and then say, “Now you not call lamb any more, you call yourself fish.”

Joke - Mom's Birthday Present

My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a flute instead."

"Why?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a flute, she can't sing."

Joke - Question Of Corruption

During a trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he asked, "that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Joke - Printed On The Bottom

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mom asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath and told me,” he replied, “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

Joke - Who Gets The Toy?

The father of four children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask who should have the present.

“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”

The four small voices answered in unison. “Okay, daddy, you get the toy.”