Joke - Cheap Solution

NASA wanted to find a writing implement that could be used in space.

It took 200 engineers and they spent over $2 billion to finally invent a space pen. This pen could write in zero gravity and the ink would still flow.

NASA proudly announced their success and congratulations flowed in from all over the world.

In a short note to the Americans, the Soviet engineers congratulated them, but said that they too had found a solution at a fraction of the cost.

They remarked, "We use a pencil."

Joke - Two Bachelors

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking one day, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it." said the first, "Every one of the recipes began
the same way - 'Take a clean dish.'"

It's Not Hard To Meet Expenses - One Liner Joke

It's not hard to meet expenses... 

they're everywhere.

Lead Me Not! - One Liner Joke

Lead me not into temptation,

I can find the way myself.

Joke - Matching Colours

Our dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase, so I cut the stains out of the old carpet.

When the carpet guy asked what color we wanted, I pulled the stained patches out and said, "Yeah, can you match this color!"

Joke - Batteries For A Lifetime

An angry motorist went back to a garage where he'd purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier.

"Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"

"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last this long."

Joke - Duty Bound

The traveler was indignant at the slow speed of the train. He appealed to the TTE:

"Can't you go any faster than this?"

"Yes," was the serene reply, "but I have to stay aboard."

Joke - Fooling The Caterpillars

The small boy sat at the foot of a telegraph pole, with a tin can in his hands. The curious old gentleman gazed first at the lad and then at the can, much perplexed.

"Caterpillars!" he questioned. "What are you doing with them?"

"They climb trees and eat the leaves," the boy explained.

"Yes?"

"And so," the boy continued proudly, "I'm foolin' this bunch by lettin' 'em climb the telegraph pole."

Joke - The Super Fast Turtle

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.

The bartender asks the man, "What's wrong with your turtle?"

"Nothing", the man responds, "this turtle is very fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you 5000 bucks that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."

So the bartender, thinking it's an easy 5000, agrees. He goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog. Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall.

"Told you it'll be there before your dog."

Joke - Who's Turn?

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.

Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."

The drunks replies, " I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

Joke - Johnny Goes Shopping

Christmas was coming near and it was time for Little Johnny to finish his holiday shopping. He went into a toy shop, took a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.


The shopkeeper spoke up, "Excuse me little boy, this isn't real money."


Johnny looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and said, "And this isn't a real plane."

Joke - Strawberries And Fertilizers

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

Joke - The Watermelon Farmer

A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill.

After some thought, he made a sign that said, "Warning! One of these watermelons has been injected with Poison!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read:

NOW THERE ARE TWO!

Joke - CEO And The Mafia.

Q : What's the difference between an Insurance Company CEO and the Mafia Don?

A : The Insurance Company CEO can tell you how many people might die this year. The Mafia Don can tell you their Names.

Joke - Capital Issues

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N", she answered.

10 Reasons Why A Prison Is Better Than Your Office - Humour

12 REASONS WHY GOING TO PRISON IS BETTER THAN GOING FOR WORK.

1. In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
2. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
3. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
4. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
5. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
6. In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained.
7. In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share.
8. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
9. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
10. In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work we have managers.