Funny Joke - Not That Serious!

Mrs Murphy was chatting over the back yard fence to Mrs O'Brien

"Did you hear Mrs Flynn's husband passed away last night?"

"No!," said Mrs O'Brien, "was it the cancer?"

"Oh no," said Mrs Murphy, "it wasn't anything that serious."

The Cheap River Cruise - Funny Joke

Paddy saw a newspaper ad for a $10 river cruise. So he went out to the dock, where he saw a guy with a baseball bat and a coil of rope.

"I'm here for the river cruise", Paddy said, handing him the ten bucks.

The guy took the money then smacked Paddy over the head with the bat.

Next thing Paddy knew, he was floating down the river tied to a log.

Just then he spotted his brother Mick, who was also tied to a log and floating downstream.

"Hey, Mick!" Paddy yelled. "Do they serve meals on this trip?"

"They didn't last year!" Mick yelled back.

Funny Joke - The Waiting Game

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)

Funny Joke - The Drunk LA Cop

Two guys were walking along a road in Los Angeles when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken LA cop.

One guy was thrown through the windscreen and the other was knocked down an embankment.

The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

Funny Joke - Two Words

At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said "Mr. President, I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you." 

He replied: "You lose."

Funny Joke - Reading A Newspaper

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again. (David Brenner)

Funny Joke - Beer Pool!

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish.

 "Turn the lake into beer," he says. 

The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. 

He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" 

The other guy says, "You idiot. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

One In A Million - Funny Joke

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)

Funny Joke - At The Funeral

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. 

He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. 

"No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" 

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." 

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" 

The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Hilarious Joke - The Man And The Snail

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 

Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. 

The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

Scared By The Doctor - Funny Joke

I was very scared about going to the eye doctor to get a certain procedure done on my eyes. The doctor tried to put me at ease but to no avail.

 It was after he finished with my first eye that I nearly jumped out of the chair. 

“There there”, he said “only one eye left!”

Funny Joke - High Blood Pressure

A doctor remarked on his patients, ruddy complexion. 

“I know” the patient said “It’s high blood pressure, it’s from my family. 

“Your mother’s side, or father’s side?” questioned the doctor.

 Neither, my wife’s. 

“What?” the doctor said “that can’t be, how can you get it from your wife’s family?” 

“Oh yeah,” the patient responded, “You should meet them sometime!”

Funny Joke - The Drunk And The Police

Bill, who was drunk to the brim phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out. 

When the police arrived at the scene, they found bill, who was feeling a bit sober now, laughing uncontrollably. 

“Never mind,” said Bill with a hiccup. “I got into the back seat by mistake.”

Why Did The One Handed Skeleton Cross The Road?

Why did the one handed skeleton cross the road?

A: To get to the second hand shop!

Hilarious Joke - World's Best Dad

Man: Did you save my son from getting drowned?

Life Guard: Yes sir!

Man: There was a one dollar bill in his pocket. Where is it?

The Brave Man - Funny Joke

A king offered half his kingdom or a 1000 kilos of gold or his daughter's hand in marriage if any brave man could cross a river full of poisonous snakes and crocodiles. 

No one volunteered but one young man jumped in to the river and crossed it without any difficulty. 

The king asked:  "What do you want brave man, half of my kingdom?" 

The man said: "No your majesty" 

King: "Then the 1000 kilos of gold?" 

Man: "No your majesty" 

King: "Then my daughter's hand in marriage?" 

Man: "No your majesty" 

King: "Then what is it that you want?" 

Man: "The name of the person who pushed me in the river".

Grandfather's Bill - Funny Joke

A signboard outside a restaurant said: 

"Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill". 

A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave the bill he pointed to the signboard, "Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill". 

The waiter said, "Sir, this is not your bill, this is your grandfather's bill".

Funny Joke - The Relatives

After a two month relationship a woman asks her boyfriend:
Sweetie, when will I meet your relatives? 

Darling, it’s difficult right now. The kids are with their grandma and my wife is in a business trip.