Really funny jokes-Things I've learned from the Movies

Things I've learned from the Movies

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
8. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
9. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.
10. Once applied, makeup will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
11. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. (It used to be an English accent for the German.)
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
14. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
15. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
16. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.